Subjectively

One truly overcomes being a human, when they stop needing others, and also when they stop needing to be needed by others.

Out of character

Some unique days, I lack a sense of self.

I lack, the Ego,

which would shape, and be shaped by, my personal nuances.

It usually would guide me,

to make peculiar decisions, to take certain actions,

in a reasonable, characteristic way.

When I am having, such lack-ego days,

It would make me feel lost,

But maybe,

what I feel, is free,

and I just don’t know that freedom could feel like this.

Freedom from expectations, which my ‘set ego’ would have.

There are no expectations on these days,

Regarding, how, what, why and who.

It just might be, a sweet spot,

which I have been looking at, as a crisis.

Just the right window of opportunity, to do everything out of character,

To be every character.

It might be the sweet spot,

where I can exist,

as if,

I never was born,

as a person confined in a physical form.

Mighty Following

To withstand the onset of vices when they come with such a mighty following.” – Seneca


Surrounded by so many influences, I keep on wishing, to be born again.

Maybe a time back in the past, or maybe into the future.

Something is very wrong here, it is hard for me to put in words.

It is almost but not quite, like hearing the same song again and again,

Everyone is mesmerized, while I feel the storm of impatience, about to surge out of me.

I am afraid, what I might do, if this song does not change.

Day 10635

Will I know any version of me, which is not this.

Any version will there be, which ‘I’ will like.

Who is ‘I’, if I am so concerned about what this ‘I’ thinks,

And who is it, the ‘I’ is judging?

Considering my reliance on the opinion of this ‘I’,

I must like ‘I’, I must really respect ‘I’.

How many ‘I’ there are?

Which one is in charge?

Which one should I listen to?

Which ‘I’ is am ‘I’?

Little Mischief

Would you know if you were dreaming, reading this?

Do you ever know, when you are dreaming?

How can you be sure that this isn’t a dream?


Would you know if you are alive?

Do you know when you are not?

How can you be so sure of being alive if you don’t know what it is to not be alive?


Would you know if you are ‘here’?

Do you know what is ‘there’?

How can you be so sure of being ‘here’, when you don’t know, what it is to be ‘there’?

Disorder

From the chaos, order is born,

the overwhelming quality of it, is what you can look for.

It is when, one is in the midst of crumbling realities,

they are closest to a stable ground;

otherwise, we are always riding the waves of ups and downs.

When one detaches oneself enough, from the meaning making faculties,

they would observe their senses, and find chaos quite soothing.

In the midst of chaos, one need not look over their shoulder,

everything fragile is already broken.

What still remains is durable,

to find what is strong,

let it crawl right out, through the meaninglessness of chaos.

Tabooed

Nothing will really change what will happen, if I don’t write this sentence, but nothing will also change what will happen, if I do. Am I writing this as my legacy?

Somewhere inside me, obviously the answer is yes. I do not want to associate much with that voice but I do not want to deny its existence.

How many of these voices or whatever noun we give it, exists in us?

Do all these voices get to voice themselves, and how many are censored and tabooed?

What determines whether they are censored, what determined, that they should be censored?

Fluidy, smelly, fragile piece of us, human beings; we decide how others, will perceive us. we decide how we ourselves, will perceive us.

We want to edit the raw product that is us, for a perception that we think is and/or should be us.

There are so many pieces that makes, us. Are we brave now, to look at these pieces unfiltered?

Deer in headlights?!

Subjectively speaking, being vulnerable has been THE highlight of being a human.

Showing vulnerability meant, a gut wrenching, humbling and rewarding state,

In that sequence, usually.

A google search defined vulnerability as “a person’s willingness to accept the emotional risk that comes from being open and willing to love and be loved.”

The google search, which proved unsettling, is the one that is acceptable by the popular nerve.

Outrageous synonyms,

‘sucker’, ‘defenseless’, ‘exposed’, ‘sitting duck’, ‘weak’,

THE AUDACITY!!

Antonyms, even more cowardly,

‘protected’, ‘safe’, ‘strong’ !!!

Again speaking subjectively, these, offensive words haven’t been anywhere near truth, when considering big picture.

Feeling exposed and uncertain is one half of the story, finding courage to be authentic, more connected to yourself and the others, is the other half and more conclusive part of the story.

Disappointments are too many in vulnerability, you see yourself, as well as the others in a realistic light.

Yet the reward, the satisfaction of acknowledging, knowing and accepting yourself as you are, no matter how messy,

Makes being a human worthwhile.

Fragility is not being vulnerable, but not being able to be vulnerable.