Cruelty and Self righteousness

From day 1, ask the question, can this be true consistently ?

What this new person is saying and showing .

A lamb is fed till fat, all for the sacrifice,

A predator is harmless before the attack.

Sometimes we learn the hard way,

It’s usually after a broken heart and crumbled self esteem,

We learn not to assume trust in the beginning.

What I learned is to let them earn that trust,

My way has been, giving away trust and wait till its broken.

I did my blaming, myself more than the others,

Some people are wired to trust,

Some people are rewired by experience.

Learning the hard way hasn’t been fun,

But I would rather prefer the lesson, than to go through it all over again.

1939

The pain of death is for the living, Those who are gone, are at peace.

The heartbreak is for the ones who are left behind, They have to go on because the sun still rise.

The world is not the same without them, It will never be the same, even if time passes.

What comfort can be comforting, when people we love leave?

The story we tell ourselves, the story we believe in.

If we are born, then we have to leave, that is the way it has always been.

Who has existed in this world, who doesn’t leave?

What story we tell ourselves, when they leave?

What story we believe in?

There is still comfort in knowing, in believing that they are at peace.

Where was the child before it came to be?

Where do the people who we love go, when they leave?

If we were at peace before our birth, then can’t we be at peace after we leave.

The love we have for them, does it vanish just because we can’t see them?

It is alive in our memories of them.

We rethink everything we said and didn’t , but don’t we know in our hearts that they know our love was real?

To keep them in our hearts, what can take that away?

What can take away the love we have for them?

Rest assured, they will continue in the memories and stories we had together.

This grief of loss has fallen upon us,

Believe, they have become the part of that something that looks after us,

They are not away, even if we can’t see them,

They are much closer now, giving us the strength to live on just one more moment without them.

For you Aajoba

Muscle memory

A sense of urgency, the urgency takes over me.

The anxiety is nothing but a feeling, that something, I am missing, I am chasing.

Not necessarily a necessary thing,

Yet I am compelled, almost conditioned to chase it.

It’s undeniably abstract and hence frustratingly puzzling.

How to set yourself for an impossible task,

Consider this an exhibit.

There is no magical solution for urgency,

But accepting the reality.

The reality of present, brings me back to my senses,

Just like my senses bring me back to the reality of present.

Giving in to looming urgency, is an addiction, quite easy.

It is a skill, a muscle build, to be in the present indefinitely.

A Rich Legacy

The generation now is suffering, yet the next is likely to suffer more.

The archtypical mother nurtures the babe, feeds before it asks to be fed.

The archtypical father provides and protects, the babies know, they are safe when he is there.

What is your legacy, mother and father of last century?

Did you nurture, protect and provide for your legacies?

By creating all the ways to live,

Did you think, whether the children from here after, can be sustained by the ways you live.

“The true character of a society is revealed in how it treats it’s children.”- Nelson Mandela

The worst part is that, the children are paying, for the sins against them.

Anemoia

A story of a time, where everything rhymes,

The balance of the world is maintained,

As long as the harmony is sustained.

Such a beautiful, satisfying world

The songs of a bird is never unanswered.

The kindness fills the air,

No-one remains untouched.

The droplets of water,

Makes the river;

Enough individually,

Yes and, Glorified together.

The story of a time, of our choosing

The past or the future,

It is all in our will and belief.

What does it take to distinguish between a real and a fake diamond?

The fear of the consequence of letting go, terrorizes me,

It makes me doubt, if closing the door is too harsh

I know, keeping it open didn’t bring in anything fruitful.

I did have patience for soo long, but how long one has to wait.

How long, one should wait?

I don’t think and feel, waiting is the solution

Someone’s value is not discovered or invented,

It is there, in plain sight,

If one chooses to see it.

If years were not enough to understand that someone is enough,

Then how many more will or should do it?


Answer : Don’t you wait for a second.

As cliche as it sound but it’s true, that just because you can’t identify a real pearl doesn’t mean it’s not real.

Value is seen for what it is if one understands the significance of that value. When we choose significance over superficiality, our values improve.

One cannot appreciate something that one is not or isn’t aspiring to be.

Rest in peace

Walk of shame,

The last few years were a walk of shame.

The burden of lack,

I carried on my back

The words could never justify,

What it is to have shame, I had.

Suppose to be somewhere

Suppose to be someone

But not even close to that

I walked the walk of shame

Humbled

Crumbled

It was not just chaos of purpose

But it was my dignity on the line.

To be crumbled in so many ways that matters,

It humbles one awake.

I walked the walk of shame,

That’s how I walked to myself…

Shadow work

Warning: Darkness ahead, Read at our own risk.

Don’t be pleased by me,

I want to offend you.

Don’t agree with me,

I want to rattle you.

Don’t have a want, to be near me,

I want you to be repulsed by me.

I don’t want to be with you,

I want you to wish my existence away.

Something strong we will have then,

Something ugly,

You and I will have something to think about, till the end,

And not just nodding along the way, till we go off edge.

.

Popular culture #1

During my time here, I have been observing. I am at a point where I believe in the power of popular culture.

Oxford bibliographies defines that, “Popular culture is the set of practices, beliefs, and objects that embody the most broadly shared meanings of a social system.”

To make something “a thing”, bring it to popular culture and see it spread like a wildfire. To spread an idea, a thought, a theory, anything, popular culture is the best avenue. Popular culture has changed through years and it will keep on changing through years.

Popular culture’s habitat is that time’s mass communication medium. We are consumers and we always have been. It has gotten intense with time but being a consumer became a part of our society since we decided to be a society.

Consuming rewards us immediately and what helps us to get that reward is associated to a lowered defense state in our brain. Lowered defenses means more likely to be suggested and persuaded.

I have optimism that to make new progresses as human species, to learn and grow, to hone our intelligence, to start spread the new findings and research that can help us to do better than yesterday, popular culture can be an effective avenue.

Using popular culture to spread awareness, first thing is to understand the vocabulary used or I must say overused in the popular culture. Knowing the actual definition of these words and concepts will not only help us to use it in accordance to relevant context but also keep the credibility of those words.

Below are few words that are something to ponder upon subjectively, demonizing words is the fastest way to radicalize oneself, and I like to believe that we are much better than that.

Toxic masculinity : “a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole.” (Oxford Dictionary)

Feminism: “the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.”(Oxford languages)


Male gaze : “the perspective of a notionally typical heterosexual man considered as embodied in the audience or intended audience for films and other visual media, characterized by a tendency to objectify or sexualize women.” (Oxford Dictionary)


Female gaze : “It is a feminist theory term representing the gaze of the female spectator, character or director of an artistic work, but more than the gender it is an issue of representing women as subjects having agency. ” (Wikipedia)


Internalized male gaze : “The internal male gaze is how women have absorbed all of this subconsciously to the point where it seems like as they go about their day, they need to perform for a nonexistent male audience. I would also say that this experience is not only to attract romantic interest but to, also, just seem cool in the eyes of a man.” (https://www.hercampus.com/school/fiu/blind-your-internal-male-gaze/)

Misogyny: “dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.” (Google Dictionary)

Entitlement: “belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges.” (Merriam Webster)

Patriarchy: “a society in which the oldest male is the leader of the family, or a society controlled by men in which they use their power to their own advantage” (Cambridge Dictionary)

Privilege: “a right or benefit that is given to some people and not to others” (Merriam Webster)

Do you like me?

Do they like me?

This question has hijacked me since a long time. It has flooded my entitity and I want to accept that it is unacceptable to me.

Being taken over by the concern, whether they like me, is taking over my sanity.


I am possessed by the urge to be liked that I settle for disrespect, just so that they like me; to be more precise, that they might like me. There is no guarantee, that even if I take the attack to my self respect, the violation of my boundaries and the blatant disregard to my well being, I will fit in, I will be liked by them.


I believe that every derangement has its roots inside. This malady of ‘do they like me?’ must also have roots in me.

When I was violated for the first time, I appealed, I resisted, was it taken seriously, was it taken kindly?

I was asked not to take stand for myself, I was asked to be OK with the mistreatment that I was subjected to.

I was asked by intimidation that if I ask for better, I will receive more hostility. When you are subjected to hostility and intimidation, your survival mode kicks in. To maintain a livable environment, you give in and give up your self respect. You accept whatever is thrown at you, just to keep peace, just to survive.

It extrapolates to the point, where being liked is more important and safe than to expect what is right for you and defend yourself when your well being is under siege.

How did that turn out? Choosing ‘do they like me?’ over ‘what is right for me?’

The person in me, who is me, is filled with anger and disappointment.The person who finds energy everyday to keep up with this life, is filled with self loathing because I chose not to protect that person. I chose others liking me over standing up for me.

I became an outcast inside as much as I am outcast outside.

Till now I have cared, do they like me? Do you like me? What has that done for me?

Nothing that I am proud of, your or their approval does not satiate me. The person I care to like me is myself.

I will give respect, I can coexist.  I would not hinder anyone’s journey by adding a step back and I would want to enrich their/your experience, whenever our paths meet.

However,

My first loyalty is to myself and if anyone’s existence does not respect mine then I would not have the desire to engage or any inclination to please.

I would not concern myself if I am liked by others, all we need to have is respect for one another because we are only answerable to ourselves and it’s much easier when we like ourselves.

Don’t degrade your liking for yourself, just so that others like you.