I swear I can feel that there an ominous vibe to this moment ,
I am falling from up above, it feels like an atonement;
Its hard to tell where I will end up,
I fear the fall is towards the rock bottom beneath.
At first it feels like a permanent depart,
But I have been told that the dark ends are often the starts.
Sure, my mind gets tricked
and is fixated on the uncomfortable part,
But my heart knows better and promises me,
“it will be alright my sweetheart”.
Tossing and turning but there is no comfort found,
She lays there after midnight ,
No book, hot tea or own hug would calm her down.
All there is to feel: A grave sinking disappointment,
By those conversations which drains her dry;
Or Maybe her own sick mind trolling her life.
How much she wishes to go to sleep,
To get some relief from this chaotic being.
To go to the dream world is all she asks,
Until the final escape will let her pass.
So I watched a movie today, The Incredibles 2. It was an amazing movie with a great story line. While watching the movie a question hit me, What is the one thing common in every superhero or a hero that is the main character of the movie, let it be an animated or real movie. I recollected every movie I have ever seen that had some inspirational message behind it. The qualities that I was brainstorming were superpowers, superhuman abilities, nice costumes, a will to help others, money maybe, strong virtues and morals, sad back story, a passion to make change.
All these seemed the perfect answers, but then it just clicked that it is their belief in self that makes it possible to do things that are seemingly impossible or too hard to be done. I remember a scene from one of my favorite movies, wonder woman . It is when Antiope is training Diana( wonder woman) and says to her, ” YOU KEEP DOUBTING YOURSELF DIANA”. In my opinion its the best dialogue and a turning point of the movie. As Diana starts to believe in herself that she can stop the God of War, she becomes more strong, more sure of her self and her abilities. Yes she had superpowers but she had to first believe in herself and her strength to discover those powers.
We all have tendencies to doubt ourselves, I know I am guilty too for doing it myself. I can completely understand why we are more driven to not trust ourselves. It can be due to setbacks we had, some things that did not go well even after trying and working hard, It can also be the voices of people that made you think that you are not good enough that you are reflecting and subjecting on yourself.
What if we don’t doubt ourselves, our motives, our goals, our values, our capabilities, our strength?
It can all start to change once we begin to be kind to ourselves, give some credit to self for doing what we do everyday. We never know, we can also discover some magical powers once we have belief in the abilities and strength we have right now to change our lives and world around us.
P.S: My blogs are just about the things I find in my day to be motivated or inspired about.I believe that if it can encourage or gives me perspective then it can be also helpful to someone who reads it. All love.
After a long time I felt that my good hormones are ruling me and my body. Since a long time I haven’t been in touch with the child inside me. I didn’t got the chance to explore the playful side of me. It was a different day today and I am proud that I spent it well by just playing.
Australia has different branches of “Timezone” which is a gaming zone for every age group. They have a large options on what your interests are like racing games, skiing games,pinball, basketball, walking dead, virtual reality mini rider and many more.I usually am an uptight person, its just how I am taught to behave but its definitely not that fun at times..most times…So today when I was able to play , I observed that I was completely engrossed in it, I am usually unable to stay in present and always am in future or past but I was present today. All my symptoms like pounding heart, hyperventilation, stained muscles were absent.Just by doing a simple thing, Playing. It felt like I gave myself a therapy and it was an achievement.
I realized that when you inhibit what you really are and what your heart really desire, you and your life become miserable.Then why do we forget to be ourselves and do what we really mean to do. I guess we do it “to fit in”. We don’t want others bad attention, we don’t want to be the odd person out. If my human experience is anything like everyone then I believe, deep inside we don’t really want to be like others but we want to unique and be our own person that wont be replaced by any other.To be content we got to start sticking up to who we really are and what we really feel. I know its easier said that done but it doable and we can help each other to be true to ourselves rather than forcing each other to be a person that makes us feel comfortable but is not genuine.
The feeling of worthlessness is so strong, but when your brain has some illness that doesn’t have a reason to exist, things becomes tricky. The most irrational fears of your becomes so convincing that you really start to believe that you would fail at everything you do. In my case even breathing, I always wonder why I forget to breathe and I curse myself when I hyperventilate. I curse myself for being too tired and I hate myself for having a feeling of not wanting to do anything at all.. Ever…
I am a good patient at least, I try to search about depression and anxiety and how I can help myself with that. I saw a video where it was explained how the person should treat themselves when they suffer from self loathing thoughts. Look at yourself like a third person, a kind friend who really wants to help and make things better. I try to do that, I fail most of the times while doing that but sometimes I do successed. At present I am being a good friend to myself by writing this blog which I was not going to but the friend me said, no, you can definitely do it and you know what? you should do it for everyone irrespective of whether they read this or not. I am giving out this message to this world, this universe that I am trying.. I am fighting with my best efforts to cope with the helplessness, the terrible gut feeling, the pounding heart, the headache, the tired body and mind, the hopelessness and I will keep doing that till my natural dying last breath…
P. S: To those who are struggling, I want you to know that it’s more brave to walk the unpleasant path with unpleasant experiences compared to a glittery one.Bravery always pays off and rewards can only be known who has it.. I love you all…
Envy… It starts from the childhood, subtle comments, casual conversation from the parents, family, friends, society that analyse you and your body. You are looked down at.. Called dark skinned, little too chubby, too thin, your nose is imperfect, your ears are too big, you have thick thighs and even your stomach looks that of pregnant womans.Believe it or not, it all happens, It really does… A soul that is young and growing hears all this, what does it do to its spirit? It shakes it, it breaks it and when all this things are said with respect to an another entity, however close it is to you, your sister, cousin, friend, Collegue, classmate, even best friend… It develops the feeling of resentment towards the person and lack of confidence in self. In the case of world, this resentment is applicable to each and every woman you come across. No, its because women have impure sure or can’t live with themselves but it’s the surrounding people who judges, bifurcates and ranks them based on something out of their control and something that doesn’t say or define their personality, that is, the way they look. I can’t even start to explain how unfair that is, but on the scale of 0-10,its definitely 100.
I remember an incidence where I was in a group setting, typically all boys, me and other person were the only women. One of the guy (so called cool dude) said that we both should compete in a dance face-off at the evening party. Obviously he wanted to have fun and entertainment by watching two girls dance and compete over who gets the most appreciation from bunch of boys (not men, coz real men don’t ever get enjoyment over such things). I looked at her and from the expression on her face I could see she was triggered by that and I was also shocked, mainly disrespected by the whole incidence. I tried my best to not punch the guy on the face and keep my calm. I directly started talking to the girl and said that, we won’t be doing such a thing for bunch of idiots right!? She lowered her defences and looked relieved too after that.
Women should not let these people who are supposedly ‘our’ people but who constantly put you in the spotlight for the way you eat, the way you speak, how much you eat, who you are dating, why you are not dating, whether you wear too less or too much makeup.
As the future caretaker, at least we have to understand and accept that no-one should make us feel insecure about our own place and worth in world, otherwise it will be superficial to nourish our children with the upbringing of accepting self and respecting self first and foremost.
P. S: To anyone who is reading this, you are beautiful inside-out and don’t you ever question it because of the inner voices that you have but are originally placed there by the people who didn’t think before saying those harsh things to you.
The plane going in the air seems like going at the same speed from the ground below as you are walking ,but its not, its just the point of view that you are at which makes you feel like that.
Can it be same for the perspective we have about others and their life. It seems perfectly normal and happy from your view point but it may also have many underlying aspects to it. Things are not what they seem, I read somewhere.I guess its true after all.
Everyone is struggling in their own perfect way, some struggles are really too much to bear and some are maybe even unbearable but the struggles still exist. Just like Iron can bear more stress and impact compared to a wood; in the same way, maybe some of us are able to bear more adversity than others due to the characteristics, experiences that makes them “them”, but don’t get me wrong here,the ones bearing more or less adversity are not comparable because Iron is used to hold bridges and wood is used to make houses.Both of them are fulfilling their own purposes and going through different adversities to reach to the point of fulfilling their purposes.