13 june – Walking on the blade

So she needs to fight ,fight with the demons,
Demons that tell her to kill herself.
The part that tells her to end it, the thing is that the part was just a part earlier but now it’s becoming her, becoming what she is. She seems to give in, it has convinced her that she wants to give in. She even tell herself that it is what she wants, but it makes her cry when she thinks about ending it, how can that be a solution for her. It should have made her happy but it doesn’t, it’s the biggest tragedy of her life that she wants to end everything because somewhere inside she knows that it’s not what she is suppose to do, it’s not what is suppose to happen for her.
But today it’s not the end, she says to herself.
What triggered this hope, what made the sun shine for her?
A kind soul treats you like you matter, it changes the game a lot.It really makes a difference in your life when you feel that your happiness matters to someone else.
I don’t know why we humans feel like its important to feel seen, heard, held, loved,cared for but it all needs a fellow human to play it’s part. In her case the fellow human did play the part with a random but huge act of compassion.
She did not know that such a simple thing can make her feel back in the game. Her answer for that day was easy, “food”.
Why is it a big deal you ask? You just eat right? It’s that simple.. But is it for some people??
With all the insecurities she has about her body and appearance, when most people she meets, especially her “friends” makes her feel that she needs to change herself, her looks…
It was good for a change that someone brought her delicious surprise showing that she deserves it, she deserves to eat and does not deserves to starve.

To anyone who is struggling with body image and is punishing yourself for eating and making yourself feel guilty about it. I just want to tell you that you are lovely, amazingly beautiful and you deserve to eat.
It’s none of anyone’s business to tell you what is good and what is not for you. You know the best for Yourself and can take care of yourself.

P. S. Those who think that it’s their right to say anything about anyone else health and appeaerence, I kindly want you to know that ” its not” .

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Attack

No, I am not fine,
But you keep thinking
On other lines.
Yes, I was alright
before a while ,
But now my world is
on roller coaster ride.
Why it is so hard to get,
That I panic with my mindset .
For god sake have some vision,
It’s called panic “attack” for a reason.
It doesn’t follow a schedule,
No, it doesn’t understand
That deadlines are due.
It creeps in on the best occasions,
It owns the place in
the worst situations.
But Don’t worry too much for me,
Coz I will be fighting and rising
Like a light beam…

Energy vampire

Sucking the energy from my soul,
You make me fall down on
my bruises for more.
I keep giving my heartfelt vibes
For the well being of your core,
While you use my unwell being
To fulfill your sadistic goals.
I say sunrises in the east
But you call me fool for the truth.
When you are so influenced
By the substance that make
your mind abstruse.
Bringing me down may be
your fav pass time,
But this will surely
haunt your nights.
You tried your best to make me
Question my worth,
But this warrior soul may die
but only for rebirth.

Why I am here?

It’s like I have no will to involve,
Involve in life,
Involve in the activities around me,
In the conversations that are reel,
With the people that are far from real.
It’s like I have no will to continue,
Continue in the world full of pretense,
Go on with the art of faking in front
and Truth behind the back.
To carry on with the hurtful relations,
That supposedly are an antidote
Of loneliness.
Then why am I going on,
Is it the womb whose hope was me,
Is it the person that thrives for me,
Is it the sky that keeps me curious beyond than this,
Is it the hopeless hope that believes in magic of powerful will.
I think it is the combination of all this things,
But the most importantly it is the purpose that needs to be fulfilled by me…