Author: Sayali Talvelkar

Slow poison spread through

Every good part of myself

Can’t separate it

Disconnected Self

So Blind, Overwhelmed, Confused

Senses Overload

I am a source of creation and I am a vessel of creation. Yet I am not passive to just receive and not have any will in it.

I am a source of creation and I will choose what I create and when I create.

I am a sacred vessel, not to be possessed. I am not to be filled, as I already am full and complete.

I am without a best-before date. I am a source, I was born, and I will die a source.

I am pious, I birth many things, not just one. I am a sacred vessel, not to be filled, but full and complete.

I am not to be chosen, as I already am. I do not desire to be desired, as I already am.

There isn’t a lack, a gap, a space, waiting to be filled. There is complete fullness, yet a capacity for encompassing more within.

I am not a vessel to propagate lineage. I am a vessel of creation, I am a tool and the hand that wields it.

I am sacred and I am not to be possessed. I am not waiting to be chosen, I have already claimed myself.

Why would there be desire, when there isn’t a lack,

Why would there be a craving for attention, when everything watches over me all the time.

I am a sacred vessel, a source of creation, full and complete.

Suddenly I found myself looking down, at the abyss,
How did I get here?
I did not realize, I was coming here
I thought I was walking towards greener pastures.

If it was not for the knotting in my gut,
I would have walked over the edge.

On the cliff edge, as I stood, thinking,
I couldn’t recognize, what took me there
Whether it was my naive optimism or the death drive.

I can choose to be sacrificed as a toy in someone’s child’s play,

Or I can choose to stay on my path to the bright illuminating light

I can be who I want, aspire, decide and can be,

Or I can get off my life’s path and be broken and moulded infinitely, as the others please.

It is not easy,

Boundaries are very difficult skills to learn,

Needing boundary, is an important knowledge to possess,

Once you have that knowledge, it will not let you live without boundaries.

It will not let you be stuck, and you would feel it’s push,

It demands from you, great willpower

It demands from you, so it can provide later.

Boundaries are blessings

And they require practice.

You were a piece of heaven to me,

Then why was I in hell?

Why was I never enough, why wasn’t my love?

Why I felt, you felt it too

Even if you walked right through me?

Why did I feel it? Was I so wrong?

Was I? Wrong?

You were everything I prayed for,

Yet you turned my life upside down, while not even batting your eyes

Was I not meant to meet you?

Then why did I?

Why the lessons learnt aren’t enough?

Why aren’t they helping me pass through this?

Why do I always fail, when it comes to you?

While looking at the north star,

She thinks of him,

And she knows in her heart

He is thinking of her too

And her heart aches,

for all the passion and longing that exist between them, after all this time

And wonders if it will only find its way to eternity,

Once there is no trace, of both of them.

Stripping away all the pretense of happiness,
I sit with the discomfort, with the unease.
I sit with the frustration of not knowing it.
I observe it, as I can’t put a finger on it,

Quietness gives the stage to unquiet,
Stillness gives way to the restless urgency.

The dread, that comes with life,
Can be more useful as a friend,
Than seen as an uninvited guest.

Maybe its been practiced all along,

and all this connection to each other, just magnified it

From sending it to others, or putting it on social,

No words being said, yet so loud and noisy.

‘You should be this’, ‘They should be that’

Our world has gone wild, so preach! preach! and preach!

Sending it, reading it, watching it; no verb can replace practicing it,

Because unfortunately virtue signaling is not a substitute for possessing it.