Shadow Self

At first I was protecting her, so I put her in shadows,

but later I was protecting myself from her, and she became the shadow.

She was reckless with her heart, so it used to shatter more often than not,

I didn’t want my heart to break, so I didn’t let her have a say,

They said, they used to be like her, but not with awe, but condescension,

I felt her being seen as weak, so I tried to be everything but her.

She used to see unconditional love as a virtue, and I experienced it to be a vice so hopeless.

Trust me, I was trying to protect her, but never knew, she would become my hostage.

She could never speak or have a say again.

I saw her as pure, too pure for this world,

Yet I started to see her from their eyes.

I saw a pathetic, naïve, emotional, hopelessly loving girl, who is too weak to be their equal.

The games they play, she never stood a chance,

I too found myself being repulsed by her, exactly as they were.

Though I burned the ground, they were playing on,

I still kept her jailed, as if, it was her,

who was the reason of my pain.

I burned the bridge, which led them to me and her,

but I feel, I also tried to burn the bridge between me and her.

I made her my shadow, because I was so afraid of her,

I was protecting her, but never was able to accept her.

She became someone I am ashamed of, ashamed of her big heart,

and more ashamed that she couldn’t play their games and never was their match.

I lost the sight, blinded by the pain and shame,

I was angry with her, that she was not a player, as they were.

I was angry with her, as she couldn’t hit back, and just took the hits.

I know I was trying to protect her, but I was born from her,

She created me, to protect her,

She is not my shadow, I was hers.

We were always meant to compliment each other,

I could never exist, if it was not for her.

I now, invite her out of the shadows,

We need each other, as the light needs the darkness,

Enantiodromia, me and her,

Together, creating a sharper version of us.

4 thoughts on “Shadow Self

  1. I am proud of both as it is a journey which was difficult and painful but “you” have persevered through it and not let yourself governed or overpowered by the vices you were encountering,letting your virtues of kindness,love and goodness prevail.You are now the person who has learnt to love and take care of yourself inspite of everything you endured.Love you beta 🤗❤️.

    Liked by 1 person

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