Knots and Knocks

As I think of him, I feel my insides knotting,
Something is knocking and pushing out,
I think it is her.
I think she is scared worried, she will never see him,
I feel she is more terrified, she is hurting him.
I filled all the gaps in, so he couldn’t come in,
I take away hope from her little by little everyday.
What if this estrangement is forever, she thinks
What if, him and her can never make things right, and it’s in ink.
I have made the most difficult decision of her life,
I live with her guilt everyday.
My mother asked, how did he leave things, if you are so concerned about how you left?

The knotting gradually subsides as I replay the moments of that time,
As she sees how it used to be when she let him in her life,
As she look at him looking at her,  and treating her so ordinary.
The knocking fades too, as she retires to the darkest recesses of my mind.
I could never hurt her, all I try and do is protect.
I wish him well and let him go,
I wait for her wounds to heal.
Each and everyday, I take away hope from her,
Pray, she will forgive me one day.

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