Since I remember being me, I have been observing people, it was always a bit involuntary. As an introvert, only child and the circumstances I was given, I did have most of my time to myself, with less of my energy and attention going to other people and activities.
When I used to observe, involuntarily, I think I used to analyse it as well. I don’t remember doing it purposefully but I did deduce hypothesis, perceptions and almost meanings and significance of whatever data I registered. I believe my feminine, my ying characteristics were being polished that time.
I have been a good, obedient, perfect little girl. Almost to a point of fragility, one would say. Yet I won’t lie that I was seeing people for their faragilities, their soft fleshy spots, their breakers, their kryptonite. I never thought that it was anything, never went ahead with what I perceived or did anything with it.
As a believer of psychology, spirituality, I think I now see how those perceptions, observations and hypothesis about situations and people could have been ‘used’ and ‘manipulated’. But again with a faith in spirituality and psychology I never and will never want to weaponize my observations.
I was definitely fragile and sometimes still am but one thing about myself is definite, I might not use it but I still see everything…