What’s the term for fear of wasting time?

I just tried to search a word for fear of wasting time, I had no luck though;maybe it does not exist and if anyone knows the term then please do comment.

I always think that the kind of search history we have define what is going in our minds. Now my attempt to search the word for fear of wasting time naturally came from what I am experiencing. It is so annoying when your mind tells you how you have failed to live up-to the day,How you could have read something, meditated more, exercised more, created more, made more progress on your job applications or simply have been “more productive”.

Personally for me these are the times where I start questioning my worth and my capabilities.These are the times I feel fake or that I am wasting my potential. Now about wasted potential ,I will write whole another post because it deserves its own spotlight.

So it’s a fact that human life is limited, no matter how much I would like to pretend that it won’t be in my case; talk about being delusional! Watching The Originals to much I guess, now someone reading would say that maybe that’s why she feels unproductive…

Anyways.

Whenever I am reminded by something, someone or myself about mortality, it’s panic lane from there. Everything becomes about urgency, even I breathe with urgency and that is soooooo stupid, because I do not reach anywhere peaceful with that kind of urgency and panic.

Talking about urgency, I have never been a part of corporate world but when I see people going to jobs with their suits, dresses and appropriateness, it scares me. It’s the dread that I feel whenever I think about being part of something like that. To be honest I fear that if I become part of something and I find out that I am miserable and dread every morning to do it all over again, I know myself enough to say that I would consider that as well a waste of my time.

I think there is no antidote to such basefull fear because it’s natural to want more time. Though I think it will get better if I do things that calms me rather than create a panic in me, because I can’t imagine to have a one known life and using it away to only earn a living and I think the term as well is wrong. If you are earning a living then how come the life becomes only about living to earn.

That brings me to a wondering that maybe I do not fear about the quantity of time but the quality of time I live. And that I guess will be covered in the fear of wasted potential blog.

P. S: Writing calms me down and is my therapy and my wish for you all is that you have something like that too to unwind and relax. And my bigger wish is that your day doesn’t need unwinding at all.

All love 💜

Unburden

The gravity of your life is

already enough to bare,

Yet you are carrying the stress

of people for you cared;

You were connected tight,

but are now stranger in spite.

Yes, They enhanced your life once,

but it only repress your well being today.

It feels impossible to let go, I know;

But to hold on is like watering

a dead plant that wont grow.

Be kind to yourself and

say your goodbyes in silence,

Wish them the best and

Unburden yourself from the plighting.

red and blue abstract painting
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A Wolf in a Sheep’s Clothing

I had a hunch when you walked in,

that you had an ulterior motive from the beginning.

I was an open book and you I trusted,

but you were taking notes and were lusted.

I gave it a chance more than thrice,

but you know what they say

that you should learn after so many times.

I had my fair share with the narcissists ,

but it was easy to realize as they didn’t resist.

No third person would ever get the hint,

but I knew that something was wrong behind the mist.

I didn’t shy away to confront,

but you always denied the facts as if I was nuts.

You claimed it was the friendship that you want ,

but your manipulation tainted the relation from the start.

You convinced me that you are there for me as a rock,

but whenever I hit rock-bottom,

Your walk did not follow your talk.

I am grateful that I listened to my intuition,

Which now feels like dodging a bullet by that decision.

Few days before we talked, while you were boasting,

but all I could think  was

that you were a wolf in a sheep’s clothing.

blur calm waters dawn daylight
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Moving Out

My coldness is evident,

It is so unlikely of me to not care,

But this is how my body and soul react,

To reach that point of dead end

After so many failed attempts.

You are leaving today to be at another place,

But for me you already moved out

On that night of year end.

alone animal bird clouds
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The Lead

I always fall for it,

your shallow concerns

and intentional gestures.

There is no why,

I just fall for it.

Pathetic, Isn’t it?

But I do fall for it

lesser and lesser,

with each passing second.

I do get convinced

more and more

with more self love discovered;

That you are not the destiny ,

but you are just a subplot

that strengthens the fact

that I am the lead.

barefoot beach blur break
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We make Love a Dilemma

It is a strange world and stranger is the today’s Love;

We want someone independent,

But we cringe when they refuse to be vulnerable.

We want someone sensitive and loving,

But we label them needy when they tell us what we mean to them.

We want someone Loyal,

But we get easily bored by the stability.

We want someone unique,

But we get intimidated by the difference.

We want someone daring and wild to showoff in our posts,

But we lack guts to say what we mean and prefer to ghost.

We want to be understood ,

but we do not intend to get out of our narrow bubble.

We want real connection,

But we lack the patience to have real communication.

We want to be treated right,

But we fail to give what we desire.

We definitely want to be loved,

But we conveniently ignore the key to receive love.

 

We accept it or not, we strongly desire nurturing and healthy relations. Maybe we need to look inside rather than finding reasons outside.

All Love.

close up of padlocks hanging on heart shape
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Synonyms=Antonyms ?

In the light of whatever is going on right now in the world, I want to reflect on the dialogue that we all must have been part of or at least witnessed ( in real or/and virtual world).

Person A: Says something disrespectful and inappropriate.

Person B: Shows their disappointment and disapproval.

Person A: “I was just joking, don’t be too sensitive. Haha…”

Person B(Reply 1 of N): Silent. [Question their own reaction and convince themselves that they are overreacting]

Person B(Reply 2 of N): Speaks up because it matters. [ Are firm about their position ]

A( About B’s reply 1): Yes! I am right. [Deep inside gets the message that I can go on being inappropriate and just defend myself by calling it “light humor”]

A(About B’s reply 2): Gets insecure when their shit is being called out and label the person B as aggressive and too emotional rather than doing some self analysis.

I do not feel that I need to explain the dialogue but it is definitely indicating to one fact:

“This is the era of wrongly supposed Synonyms.”

  • Inappropriate = Humor
  • Assertive = Aggressive
  • Self respect = Arrogant / stubborn
  • Sensible = Too emotional
  • Moral = politically correct
  • Polite = Available
  • Gender free love = Experimenting/ Lifestyle
  • Knowing what you want = High Maintenance
  • Clothes length = Scale [ Prude <-> Slut]
  • Philosophical = Over-analyzing / Waste of time

The list goes on…

I do not have a concluding message . I guess from this, People will take whatever they are capable of .

All Love.

full frame shot of eye
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