The Stir

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I take it in me deep inside

now the world is on my mind

All I think is what that I resist.

The urges that are hard to fight

even though I know its not wise

All I do is what that I resist.

 

 

What’s the term for fear of wasting time?

I just tried to search a word for fear of wasting time, I had no luck though;maybe it does not exist and if anyone knows the term then please do comment.

I always think that the kind of search history we have define what is going in our minds. Now my attempt to search the word for fear of wasting time naturally came from what I am experiencing. It is so annoying when your mind tells you how you have failed to live up-to the day,How you could have read something, meditated more, exercised more, created more, made more progress on your job applications or simply have been “more productive”.

Personally for me these are the times where I start questioning my worth and my capabilities.These are the times I feel fake or that I am wasting my potential. Now about wasted potential ,I will write whole another post because it deserves its own spotlight.

So it’s a fact that human life is limited, no matter how much I would like to pretend that it won’t be in my case; talk about being delusional! Watching The Originals to much I guess, now someone reading would say that maybe that’s why she feels unproductive…

Anyways.

Whenever I am reminded by something, someone or myself about mortality, it’s panic lane from there. Everything becomes about urgency, even I breathe with urgency and that is soooooo stupid, because I do not reach anywhere peaceful with that kind of urgency and panic.

Talking about urgency, I have never been a part of corporate world but when I see people going to jobs with their suits, dresses and appropriateness, it scares me. It’s the dread that I feel whenever I think about being part of something like that. To be honest I fear that if I become part of something and I find out that I am miserable and dread every morning to do it all over again, I know myself enough to say that I would consider that as well a waste of my time.

I think there is no antidote to such basefull fear because it’s natural to want more time. Though I think it will get better if I do things that calms me rather than create a panic in me, because I can’t imagine to have a one known life and using it away to only earn a living and I think the term as well is wrong. If you are earning a living then how come the life becomes only about living to earn.

That brings me to a wondering that maybe I do not fear about the quantity of time but the quality of time I live. And that I guess will be covered in the fear of wasted potential blog.

P. S: Writing calms me down and is my therapy and my wish for you all is that you have something like that too to unwind and relax. And my bigger wish is that your day doesn’t need unwinding at all.

All love šŸ’œ

Unburden

The gravity of your life is

already enough to bare,

Yet you are carrying the stress

of people for you cared;

You were connected tight,

but are now stranger in spite.

Yes, They enhanced your life once,

but it only repress your well being today.

It feels impossible to let go, I know;

But to hold on is like watering

a dead plant that wont grow.

Be kind to yourself and

say your goodbyes in silence,

Wish them the best and

Unburden yourself from the plighting.

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A Wolf in a Sheep’s Clothing

I had a hunch when you walked in,

that you had an ulterior motive from the beginning.

I was an open book and you I trusted,

but you were taking notes and were lusted.

I gave it a chance more than thrice,

but you know what they say

that you should learn after so many times.

I had my fair share with the narcissists ,

but it was easy to realize as they didn’t resist.

No third person would ever get the hint,

but I knew that something was wrong behind the mist.

I didn’t shy away to confront,

but you always denied the facts as if I was nuts.

You claimed it was the friendship that you want ,

but your manipulation tainted the relation from the start.

You convinced me that you are there for me as a rock,

but whenever I hit rock-bottom,

Your walk did not follow your talk.

I am grateful that I listened to my intuition,

Which now feels like dodging a bullet by that decision.

Few days before we talked, while you were boasting,

but all I could thinkĀ  was

that you were a wolf in a sheep’s clothing.

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The Lead

I always fall for it,

your shallow concerns

and intentional gestures.

There is no why,

I just fall for it.

Pathetic, Isn’t it?

But I do fall for it

lesser and lesser,

with each passing second.

I do get convinced

more and more

with more self love discovered;

That you are not the destiny ,

but you are just a subplot

that strengthens the fact

that I am the lead.

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We make Love a Dilemma

It is a strange world and stranger is the today’s Love;

We want someone independent,

But we cringe when they refuse to be vulnerable.

We want someone sensitive and loving,

But we label them needy when they tell us what we mean to them.

We want someone Loyal,

But we get easily bored by the stability.

We want someone unique,

But we get intimidated by the difference.

We want someone daring and wild to showoff in our posts,

But we lack guts to say what we mean and prefer to ghost.

We want to be understood ,

but we do not intend to get out of our narrow bubble.

We want real connection,

But we lack the patience to have real communication.

We want to be treated right,

But we fail to give what we desire.

We definitely want to be loved,

But we conveniently ignore the key to receive love.

 

We accept it or not, we strongly desire nurturing and healthy relations. Maybe we need to look inside rather than finding reasons outside.

All Love.

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Synonyms=Antonyms ?

In the light of whatever is going on right now in the world, I want to reflect on the dialogue that we all must have been part of or at least witnessed ( in real or/and virtual world).

Person A: Says something disrespectful and inappropriate.

Person B: Shows their disappointment and disapproval.

Person A: “I was just joking, don’t be too sensitive. Haha…”

Person B(Reply 1 of N): Silent. [Question their own reaction and convince themselves that they are overreacting]

Person B(Reply 2 of N): Speaks up because it matters. [ Are firm about their position ]

A( About B’s reply 1): Yes! I am right. [Deep inside gets the message that I can go on being inappropriate and just defend myself by calling it “light humor”]

A(About B’s reply 2): Gets insecure when their shit is being called out and label the person B as aggressive and too emotional rather than doing some self analysis.

I do not feel that I need to explain the dialogue but it is definitely indicating to one fact:

“This is the era of wrongly supposed Synonyms.”

  • Inappropriate = Humor
  • Assertive = Aggressive
  • Self respect = Arrogant / stubborn
  • Sensible = Too emotional
  • Moral = politically correct
  • Polite = Available
  • Gender free love = Experimenting/ Lifestyle
  • Knowing what you want = High Maintenance
  • Clothes length = Scale [ Prude <-> Slut]
  • Philosophical = Over-analyzing / Waste of time

The list goes on…

I do not have a concluding message . I guess from this, People will take whatever they are capable of .

All Love.

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2 Jan 2019

The question that puzzles me is,

what does being honest and brave means?

Does it mean for you to face your reality?

Or Does it mean for you to fake normality?

 

This makes me wonder

what exactly is normality?

Is it getting help to cope with your experiences in healthy ways,

Or is it getting intoxicated to go through passing days?

 

Why is this stigma about admitting your struggles,

When unhealthy coping mechanism just keep you in a bubble.

 

How does it make sense to fear someone’s sooth,

when others are using deceit to hide their truth.

Who should be actually feared?

Someone who admits their reality,

Or the ones hiding their true nature behind “Normality”.

Core: Majority of the people who suffers from mental illness are the ones getting abused and not the other way around. Labeling people by term ‘crazy’ or ‘mental’ or ‘Psycho’ who are struggling with mental health but brave enough to get help and talk about itĀ  is not the best way to deal with such delicate situation. It is our role as the present and future of this world to create a more humane and kind environment by not just posting support and positivism online but also by practicing it in real life in real situations.

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18 June 2018

So I watched a movie today, The Incredibles 2. It was an amazing movie with a great story line. While watching the movie a question hit me, What is the one thing common in every superhero or a hero that is the main character of the movie, let it be an animated or real movie. I recollected every movie I have ever seen that had some inspirational message behind it. The qualities that I was brainstorming were superpowers, superhuman abilities, nice costumes, a will to help others, money maybe, strong virtues and morals, sad back story, a passion to make change.

All these seemed the perfect answers, but then it just clicked that it is their belief in self that makes it possible to do things that are seemingly impossible or too hard to be done. I remember a scene from one of my favorite movies, wonder woman . It is when Antiope is training Diana( wonder woman) and says to her, ” YOU KEEP DOUBTING YOURSELF DIANA”. In my opinion its the best dialogue and a turning point of the movie. As Diana starts to believe in herself that she can stop the God of War, she becomes more strong, more sure of her self and her abilities. Yes she had superpowers but she had to first believe in herself and her strength to discover those powers.

We all have tendencies to doubt ourselves, I know I am guilty too for doing it myself.Ā I can completely understand why we are more driven to not trust ourselves. It can be due to setbacks we had, some things that did not go well even after trying and working hard, It can also be the voices of people that made you think that you are not good enough that you are reflecting and subjecting on yourself.

What if we don’t doubt ourselves, our motives, our goals, our values, our capabilities, our strength?

It can all start to change once we begin to be kind to ourselves, give some credit to self for doing what we do everyday. We never know, we can also discover some magical powersĀ  once we have belief in the abilities and strength we have right now to change our lives and world around us.

P.S: My blogs are just about the things I find in my day to be motivated or inspired about.I believe that if it can encourage or gives me perspective then it can be also helpful to someone who reads it. All love.

17 June 2018

After a long time I felt that my good hormones are ruling me and my body. Since a long time I haven’t beenĀ  in touch with the child inside me. I didn’t got the chance to explore the playful side of me. It was a different day today and I am proud that I spent it well by just playing.

Australia has different branches of “Timezone” which is a gaming zone for every age group. They have a large options on what your interests are like racing games, skiing games,pinball, basketball, walking dead, virtual reality mini rider and many more.I usually am an uptight person, its just how I am taught to behave but its definitely not that fun at times..most times…So today when I was able to play , I observed that I was completely engrossed in it, I am usually unable to stay in present and always am in future or past but I was present today. All my symptoms like pounding heart, hyperventilation, stained muscles were absent.Just by doing a simple thing, Playing. It felt like I gave myself a therapy and it was an achievement.

I realized that when you inhibit what you really are and what your heart really desire, you and your life become miserable.Then why do we forget to be ourselves and do what we really mean to do. I guess we do it “to fit in”. We don’t want others bad attention, we don’t want to be the odd person out. If my human experience is anything like everyone then I believe, deep inside we don’t really want to be like others but we want to unique and be our own person that wont be replaced by any other.To be content we got to start sticking up to who we really are and what we really feel. I know its easier said that done but it doable and we can help each other to be true to ourselves rather than forcing each other to be a person that makes us feel comfortable but is not genuine.