What’s the term for fear of wasting time?

I just tried to search a word for fear of wasting time, I had no luck though;maybe it does not exist and if anyone knows the term then please do comment.

I always think that the kind of search history we have define what is going in our minds. Now my attempt to search the word for fear of wasting time naturally came from what I am experiencing. It is so annoying when your mind tells you how you have failed to live up-to the day,How you could have read something, meditated more, exercised more, created more, made more progress on your job applications or simply have been “more productive”.

Personally for me these are the times where I start questioning my worth and my capabilities.These are the times I feel fake or that I am wasting my potential. Now about wasted potential ,I will write whole another post because it deserves its own spotlight.

So it’s a fact that human life is limited, no matter how much I would like to pretend that it won’t be in my case; talk about being delusional! Watching The Originals to much I guess, now someone reading would say that maybe that’s why she feels unproductive…

Anyways.

Whenever I am reminded by something, someone or myself about mortality, it’s panic lane from there. Everything becomes about urgency, even I breathe with urgency and that is soooooo stupid, because I do not reach anywhere peaceful with that kind of urgency and panic.

Talking about urgency, I have never been a part of corporate world but when I see people going to jobs with their suits, dresses and appropriateness, it scares me. It’s the dread that I feel whenever I think about being part of something like that. To be honest I fear that if I become part of something and I find out that I am miserable and dread every morning to do it all over again, I know myself enough to say that I would consider that as well a waste of my time.

I think there is no antidote to such basefull fear because it’s natural to want more time. Though I think it will get better if I do things that calms me rather than create a panic in me, because I can’t imagine to have a one known life and using it away to only earn a living and I think the term as well is wrong. If you are earning a living then how come the life becomes only about living to earn.

That brings me to a wondering that maybe I do not fear about the quantity of time but the quality of time I live. And that I guess will be covered in the fear of wasted potential blog.

P. S: Writing calms me down and is my therapy and my wish for you all is that you have something like that too to unwind and relax. And my bigger wish is that your day doesn’t need unwinding at all.

All love 💜

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Unburden

The gravity of your life is

already enough to bare,

Yet you are carrying the stress

of people for you cared;

You were connected tight,

but are now stranger in spite.

Yes, They enhanced your life once,

but it only repress your well being today.

It feels impossible to let go, I know;

But to hold on is like watering

a dead plant that wont grow.

Be kind to yourself and

say your goodbyes in silence,

Wish them the best and

Unburden yourself from the plighting.

red and blue abstract painting
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The Lead

I always fall for it,

your shallow concerns

and intentional gestures.

There is no why,

I just fall for it.

Pathetic, Isn’t it?

But I do fall for it

lesser and lesser,

with each passing second.

I do get convinced

more and more

with more self love discovered;

That you are not the destiny ,

but you are just a subplot

that strengthens the fact

that I am the lead.

barefoot beach blur break
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3 am

In the universe, on the planet,
on the continent,in the
most isolated city,
in the apartment,
on the bed.
Wide awake near 3am.
What do you imagine I feel,
Sad? Scared? Lonely?
I think it’s the singularity ,
The individuality,
The chaos of being
In this vast,
Not even try to define – ness
That’s what I feel.
Cure for being alone ?
I think alone is the antidote.
So no,
I am not longing
to reach anyone,
Coz I know no-one
That can be reached.

Synonyms=Antonyms ?

In the light of whatever is going on right now in the world, I want to reflect on the dialogue that we all must have been part of or at least witnessed ( in real or/and virtual world).

Person A: Says something disrespectful and inappropriate.

Person B: Shows their disappointment and disapproval.

Person A: “I was just joking, don’t be too sensitive. Haha…”

Person B(Reply 1 of N): Silent. [Question their own reaction and convince themselves that they are overreacting]

Person B(Reply 2 of N): Speaks up because it matters. [ Are firm about their position ]

A( About B’s reply 1): Yes! I am right. [Deep inside gets the message that I can go on being inappropriate and just defend myself by calling it “light humor”]

A(About B’s reply 2): Gets insecure when their shit is being called out and label the person B as aggressive and too emotional rather than doing some self analysis.

I do not feel that I need to explain the dialogue but it is definitely indicating to one fact:

“This is the era of wrongly supposed Synonyms.”

  • Inappropriate = Humor
  • Assertive = Aggressive
  • Self respect = Arrogant / stubborn
  • Sensible = Too emotional
  • Moral = politically correct
  • Polite = Available
  • Gender free love = Experimenting/ Lifestyle
  • Knowing what you want = High Maintenance
  • Clothes length = Scale [ Prude <-> Slut]
  • Philosophical = Over-analyzing / Waste of time

The list goes on…

I do not have a concluding message . I guess from this, People will take whatever they are capable of .

All Love.

full frame shot of eye
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Follow thy Heart

I swear I can feel that there an ominous vibe to this moment ,

I am falling from up above, it feels like an atonement;

Its hard to tell where I will end up,

I fear the fall is towards the rock bottom beneath.

At first it feels like a permanent depart,

But I have been told that the dark ends are often the starts.

Sure, my mind gets tricked

and is fixated on the uncomfortable part,

But my heart knows better and promises me,

“it will be alright my sweetheart”.

architecture door entrance exit
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18 June 2018

So I watched a movie today, The Incredibles 2. It was an amazing movie with a great story line. While watching the movie a question hit me, What is the one thing common in every superhero or a hero that is the main character of the movie, let it be an animated or real movie. I recollected every movie I have ever seen that had some inspirational message behind it. The qualities that I was brainstorming were superpowers, superhuman abilities, nice costumes, a will to help others, money maybe, strong virtues and morals, sad back story, a passion to make change.

All these seemed the perfect answers, but then it just clicked that it is their belief in self that makes it possible to do things that are seemingly impossible or too hard to be done. I remember a scene from one of my favorite movies, wonder woman . It is when Antiope is training Diana( wonder woman) and says to her, ” YOU KEEP DOUBTING YOURSELF DIANA”. In my opinion its the best dialogue and a turning point of the movie. As Diana starts to believe in herself that she can stop the God of War, she becomes more strong, more sure of her self and her abilities. Yes she had superpowers but she had to first believe in herself and her strength to discover those powers.

We all have tendencies to doubt ourselves, I know I am guilty too for doing it myself. I can completely understand why we are more driven to not trust ourselves. It can be due to setbacks we had, some things that did not go well even after trying and working hard, It can also be the voices of people that made you think that you are not good enough that you are reflecting and subjecting on yourself.

What if we don’t doubt ourselves, our motives, our goals, our values, our capabilities, our strength?

It can all start to change once we begin to be kind to ourselves, give some credit to self for doing what we do everyday. We never know, we can also discover some magical powers  once we have belief in the abilities and strength we have right now to change our lives and world around us.

P.S: My blogs are just about the things I find in my day to be motivated or inspired about.I believe that if it can encourage or gives me perspective then it can be also helpful to someone who reads it. All love.