16 June 2018

The feeling of worthlessness is so strong, but when your brain has some illness that doesn’t have a reason to exist, things becomes tricky. The most irrational fears of your becomes so convincing that you really start to believe that you would fail at everything you do. In my case even breathing, I always wonder why I forget to breathe and I curse myself when I hyperventilate. I curse myself for being too tired and I hate myself for having a feeling of not wanting to do anything at all.. Ever…

I am a good patient at least, I try to search about depression and anxiety and how I can help myself with that. I saw a video where it was explained how the person should treat themselves when they suffer from self loathing thoughts. Look at yourself like a third person, a kind friend who really wants to help and make things better. I try to do that, I fail most of the times while doing that but sometimes I do successed. At present I am being a good friend to myself by writing this blog which I was not going to but the friend me said, no, you can definitely do it and you know what? you should do it for everyone irrespective of whether they read this or not. I am giving out this message to this world, this universe that I am trying.. I am fighting with my best efforts to cope with the helplessness, the terrible gut feeling, the pounding heart, the headache, the tired body and mind, the hopelessness and I will keep doing that till my natural dying last breath…

P. S: To those who are struggling, I want you to know that it’s more brave to walk the unpleasant path with unpleasant experiences compared to a glittery one.Bravery always pays off and rewards can only be known who has it.. I love you all…

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