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Unclench

Sayali Talvelkar1 Comment

Feels like an out of body experience,

when you are too much in your head.

Surrounded by them

but a feeling of a strange land.

The discomfort and the sensation

that you do not belong,

The feeling and the surety about the feeling

that you are the odd one out.

An outsider, A visitor

Almost invisible.

You see smiles wide,

but the tears are creeping outside.

The regret of being there,

the want to be anywhere else.

The replay of the unheard cries,

the injustice,

the wrong never made right.

The projection of outside on the inside,

you may not be worthy if this is the sight.

The going back inside and coming out of the mind,

Releasing the breathe,

you have been holding so tight.

Observe the body and heal the mind,

Feel your body and unclench your mind.

Phase 1

Feel

There is a moment when you feel something trigger in you, you were feeling alright, carefree, in balance but then click; it changes to something unpleasant. You feel a discomfort in your body and your mind is overactive, filled with thoughts.

It can be the present moment where something is said to you, happens around you, a sight, a smell, or just something that reminds you of a memory, an experience, a flashback. Whatever that something is, it is associated to a specific emotion; grief, hurt, anger, resentment, fear, contempt, disrespect etc.

It happens so quickly as if you are swept away by the wave of emotions, sometimes a tsunami of emotions. You are caught off-guard and your body starts to react accordingly. Your body stiffens and the life force is focused on the train of thoughts which just keeps on honking, taking you into an extremely alert and anxious state, the mind is terrorized and the body is now compromised.

When you are in this hyper alert state, almost fight or flight state, its not time to relax and the our consciousness is focused on that moment. Based on the intensity of the emotions triggered, we are in that moment after it has already passed, replaying it and prolonging the state of discomfort. This emotional hijacking manifests itself through body in the form of shallow breathing, rise or fall of body temperature, rashes or allergic reactions, clenching of jaw, stiffening of the muscles of neck, shoulder, face and increased pressure near the eyes.

Phase 2

Process

So now that you are in this state of stress, the next best thing is to swim along the waves or at least try your best to, hence processing what is happening. You may want to skip the this part but it can be a counterproductive move as it will come back haunting you in other ways, in other emotionally challenging events in future. Research also shows that unprocessed emotions, traumas and stress are the very cause of chronic illnesses, so its a smart move to deal with it heads on.

I have few steps that could be helpful to process the ongoing or any previous stress or trauma:

  1. How do you actually feel?
  2. Accepting that you feel how you feel.
  3. Why you feel the way you do?
  4. What can be done to make it better ?

Scenario

Lets say,

1. seeing a red carpet makes me feel sad.

2. I need to accept that I am sad and the sadness is due to the red carpet.

3. I feel sad because I have red carpet at my parental home and seeing the red carpet reminds me of home and eventually missing my home.

4. I can call my parents and talk to them, I can video call to see my house. I can tell myself a different story, a different narrative rather than the narrative of missing my home. The red carpet that makes me miss my home, actually represents home and pretty soon, I will go back home. Till then, the red carpet is a reminder that I do have a home where I am loved and will always belong.

Phase 3

Mindfulness

The third stage is to get out of the zone, swimming back to dry land or at least finding an anchor and that is mindfulness. It is time to bring your focus to your body, your smart vessel. Bring your focus to your shallow breathing, take a deep breathe and then breathe normally. Walk if you were sitting, sit if you were walking anxiously. Relax your jaw, your neck, your shoulder. Feel your body relaxing as you focus on your breathe. Your mind will try to go back to the intrusive thoughts, its alright, bring your focus back to your breathe and observe yourself as you relax.

I know that it is more like a balancing act on the rope than the flicking of a magical wand. The main goal is to come back to a relaxed state and you can transition from the feel, process and mindfulness phase by different ways as they work for you individually.

Some of the ways that works for me are:

  • Remove yourself physically from the situation, so that you can breathe.
  • Go out for a walk and some fresh air.
  • Write it down, it does not have to be proper sentences. Write hurt, if you feel hurt, then tired, angry, pizza, puppy, stars, annoyed, angry. The aim is to flush it out, do whatever it takes.
  • Talk to a anyone who you know from past experience that can appease you or just listen to you, you need to feel safe and heard.
  • Read something interesting.
  • Watch a funny video, laughter is indeed the best remedy, Friends bloopers always work for me.
  • Listen to music and sing along.
  • Get some sleep.
  • My personal favorite, move your body. As they say dance like no one’s watching.
  • Meditate, head space is a good platform, you tube has many guided meditations and its free or close your eyes and just breathe.
  • Eat a fruit, possibly a citrus fruit; be color smart!
  • And remember that you are enough and loved no matter what happens to you and around you. We were all born precious.


Phase 4

Calm waters

It is less of a phase and more of a state, a desired state. It is knowing that it will eventually be alright, no matter what.

Even though Phase 4 is the most loved one, we should not underestimate the power of previous 3 Phases as they make the calm state sweeter and makes us a little more stronger.

The Extraordinary Vessel

Sayali Talvelkar2 Comments

The Body knows what is good for it. It knows when there is a need for food, water, warmth, by making the stomach ache, throat dry, hair stand on the skin and jaw shiver. It detects the parasitic attack on your body by making the skin itch, body temperature rise, eyes to water and nose to sneeze. It is so attuned to the environment that it can detect a threat outside and take necessary actions to protect the life. It may run and hide or it prepares to defend against the possible attack.

In the larger terms, the body make sure that the species survive by motivating, reinforcing and sometimes flat out pushing reproduction. As in the case of women’s menstrual cycle, the hormones secreted and the internal biology is aiming for one goal, one most important goal at least in the term of a human body is the fertilization of the egg that is released along the cycle. The hormones estrogen, progesterone and testosterone are released at the specific time and in specific amount to regulate the body to reproduce. A manipulation of the internal chemistry to encourage fertilization during the time span of the release of the egg/eggs and making the internal chemistry a little hostile when the body knows that fertilization is not achieved better known as Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS).

Our body is extremely intelligent and capable of self regulation. We do not have to do awful lot to sustain it, it just needs support to stay intelligent. It can function to its optimal capacity if we eat well, sleep well and exercise well. In prehistoric times, eating well was easy and a natural choice because whatever food source available in the environment was natural, not adulterated and the over indulgence was not the way of prehistoric humans. Settlements encourage humans to have more food than necessary, the life of travelling and exploring does not lead to over indulgence, accumulation and storage of resources. As the settlement increased and civilizations begin, accumulation of resources including food started and then came the food processing.

Human’s body and organs have not evolved anatomically in a larger scale since 10,000 years, so considering that we have inherited out prehistoric ancestor’s bodies, the more natural the food is, the better support it gives to the body to function. The more processed the food is, the more alien it is for the body and less it can metabolize it.

Getting enough rest is absolutely a defining factor for the body to start again every day with full capacity and reach its potential. Overworking the body without rest is not the sustainable way for a body to stay intelligent. Going back again to our ancestors, we can intuitively tell that their way of life had a lot of physical work including gathering food and going places by foot. To get more restful sleep, it may not be too far fetched to think that to get a body to exhaust to a restful sleep, we need to carry out physical activities to make our body feel that it can take the well deserving rest at the end of the day.

One factor that did not play a dramatic role in our ancestor’s lives was stress. They did face life or death situations that caused fight or flight responses which was necessary stress for the body’s survival but the body went back to the normal relaxed state after removal of the threat. Now is a different story, we are triggering our body into stress by merely our perceptions of the outer world. It can just be a person that is not a physical threat to us but mentally is associated as threat, therefore triggering a fight or flight response. It can be work, relationships or a memory that puts you in the stressed state. When our bodies stay in these prolonged state of stress, the result is disease, allergies, mental health issues and overall hostile internal environment.

It is so crucial for the stress to be managed as stress may hamper the other factors mentioned before as well. Stress impacts the eating tendencies, motivation to do physical activities and sleep patterns to put it most simply. The stress level impacts the chemistry of the body, immune system and organ function that holds us back from having a flourishing life on this earth.

1984 and Brave New World: First Impression

Sayali Talvelkar1 Comment

Both of the Novels, 1984 and Brave New World are engaging fictional stories that discusses crucial concepts of governance, power, control, society and the individuals subjected to it. The art of story-telling is absolutely at its peak in both of these books. As children, story books were the most entertaining way to learn and understand moralistic ideas, principles and in general workings of life, these two stories and their writers prove how story-telling can actually shape ideas in an individual and sometimes whole societies as well.

When I think about these stories, the first theme that pops up in the mind is the human and its desires. These desires when suppressed as in case of 1984 and when over indulged as in Brave New World, takes the story forward. We can see how the Character’s thoughts, feelings, words, actions and behaviors are influenced and motivated by their various human desires. The strongest of these desires is the desire for survival, sexual intimacy, avoidance of pain, social acceptance and power.

Rather than talking about the type of governance and structure of the society for the universe of these novels, I want to focus on the crucial element that is the root of these stories to go from unpleasant to the dystopia that they are. It is less the matter of what is subjected but more the who and how the subject is.The most villainous plot is to use the human biology and psychology against humans and the collective. Control is established by taking advantage of and abusing the common workings of a human being.

When I say common workings of a human being, I mean that even if we are pretty unique individually but the archetypal needs are similar in all of us. We all have same categories of needs even if the content may be different. These basic needs are well defined by Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The desire for love and intimacy, our tendency to avoid unpleasant outcomes and scenarios and the need to feel safe. It is our innate desire to avoid pain and fears, our desire to feel included and yet hold on to our individuality to the extent that it is socially acceptable.

In both 1984 and Brave New World, through both hedonism and brute force and fear; the variable that doesn’t change is the human and its needs. Its reactive state, desires and the by default biological and psychological tendencies. The control over the human and the society is established in both of these dystopia by the knowledge, manipulation and exploitation of human biology and psychology.

Moving Out

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My coldness is evident,

It is so unlikely of me to not care,

But this is how my body and soul react,

To reach that point of dead end

After so many failed attempts.

You are leaving today to be at another place,

But for me you already moved out

On that night of year end.

alone animal bird clouds
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3 am

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In the universe, on the planet,
on the continent,in the
most isolated city,
in the apartment,
on the bed.
Wide awake near 3am.
What do you imagine I feel,
Sad? Scared? Lonely?
I think it’s the singularity ,
The individuality,
The chaos of being
In this vast,
Not even try to define – ness
That’s what I feel.
Cure for being alone ?
I think alone is the antidote.
So no,
I am not longing
to reach anyone,
Coz I know no-one
That can be reached.

2 Jan 2019

Sayali Talvelkar1 Comment

The question that puzzles me is,

what does being honest and brave means?

Does it mean for you to face your reality?

Or Does it mean for you to fake normality?

 

This makes me wonder

what exactly is normality?

Is it getting help to cope with your experiences in healthy ways,

Or is it getting intoxicated to go through passing days?

 

Why is this stigma about admitting your struggles,

When unhealthy coping mechanism just keep you in a bubble.

 

How does it make sense to fear someone’s sooth,

when others are using deceit to hide their truth.

Who should be actually feared?

Someone who admits their reality,

Or the ones hiding their true nature behind “Normality”.

Core: Majority of the people who suffers from mental illness are the ones getting abused and not the other way around. Labeling people by term ‘crazy’ or ‘mental’ or ‘Psycho’ who are struggling with mental health but brave enough to get help and talk about it  is not the best way to deal with such delicate situation. It is our role as the present and future of this world to create a more humane and kind environment by not just posting support and positivism online but also by practicing it in real life in real situations.

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After Midnight

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Tossing and turning but there is  no comfort found,

She lays there after midnight ,

No book, hot tea or  own hug would calm her down.

All there is to feel: A grave sinking disappointment,

By those conversations which drains her dry;

Or Maybe her own sick mind trolling her life.

night building forest trees
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

How much she wishes to go to sleep,

To get some relief from this chaotic being.

To go to the dream world is all she asks,

Until the final escape will let her pass.

18 June 2018

Sayali Talvelkar1 Comment

So I watched a movie today, The Incredibles 2. It was an amazing movie with a great story line. While watching the movie a question hit me, What is the one thing common in every superhero or a hero that is the main character of the movie, let it be an animated or real movie. I recollected every movie I have ever seen that had some inspirational message behind it. The qualities that I was brainstorming were superpowers, superhuman abilities, nice costumes, a will to help others, money maybe, strong virtues and morals, sad back story, a passion to make change.

All these seemed the perfect answers, but then it just clicked that it is their belief in self that makes it possible to do things that are seemingly impossible or too hard to be done. I remember a scene from one of my favorite movies, wonder woman . It is when Antiope is training Diana( wonder woman) and says to her, ” YOU KEEP DOUBTING YOURSELF DIANA”. In my opinion its the best dialogue and a turning point of the movie. As Diana starts to believe in herself that she can stop the God of War, she becomes more strong, more sure of her self and her abilities. Yes she had superpowers but she had to first believe in herself and her strength to discover those powers.

We all have tendencies to doubt ourselves, I know I am guilty too for doing it myself. I can completely understand why we are more driven to not trust ourselves. It can be due to setbacks we had, some things that did not go well even after trying and working hard, It can also be the voices of people that made you think that you are not good enough that you are reflecting and subjecting on yourself.

What if we don’t doubt ourselves, our motives, our goals, our values, our capabilities, our strength?

It can all start to change once we begin to be kind to ourselves, give some credit to self for doing what we do everyday. We never know, we can also discover some magical powers  once we have belief in the abilities and strength we have right now to change our lives and world around us.

P.S: My blogs are just about the things I find in my day to be motivated or inspired about.I believe that if it can encourage or gives me perspective then it can be also helpful to someone who reads it. All love.

16 June 2018

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The feeling of worthlessness is so strong, but when your brain has some illness that doesn’t have a reason to exist, things becomes tricky. The most irrational fears of your becomes so convincing that you really start to believe that you would fail at everything you do. In my case even breathing, I always wonder why I forget to breathe and I curse myself when I hyperventilate. I curse myself for being too tired and I hate myself for having a feeling of not wanting to do anything at all.. Ever…

I am a good patient at least, I try to search about depression and anxiety and how I can help myself with that. I saw a video where it was explained how the person should treat themselves when they suffer from self loathing thoughts. Look at yourself like a third person, a kind friend who really wants to help and make things better. I try to do that, I fail most of the times while doing that but sometimes I do successed. At present I am being a good friend to myself by writing this blog which I was not going to but the friend me said, no, you can definitely do it and you know what? you should do it for everyone irrespective of whether they read this or not. I am giving out this message to this world, this universe that I am trying.. I am fighting with my best efforts to cope with the helplessness, the terrible gut feeling, the pounding heart, the headache, the tired body and mind, the hopelessness and I will keep doing that till my natural dying last breath…

P. S: To those who are struggling, I want you to know that it’s more brave to walk the unpleasant path with unpleasant experiences compared to a glittery one.Bravery always pays off and rewards can only be known who has it.. I love you all…

15 June 2018

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Envy… It starts from the childhood, subtle comments, casual conversation from the parents, family, friends, society that analyse you and your body. You are looked down at.. Called dark skinned, little too chubby, too thin, your nose is imperfect, your ears are too big, you have thick thighs and even your stomach looks that of pregnant womans.Believe it or not, it all happens, It really does… A soul that is young and growing hears all this, what does it do to its spirit? It shakes it, it breaks it and when all this things are said with respect to an another entity, however close it is to you, your sister, cousin, friend, Collegue, classmate, even best friend… It develops the feeling of resentment towards the person and lack of confidence in self. In the case of world, this resentment is applicable to each and every woman you come across. No, its because women have impure sure or can’t live with themselves but it’s the surrounding people who judges, bifurcates and ranks them based on something out of their control and something that doesn’t say or define their personality, that is, the way they look. I can’t even start to explain how unfair that is, but on the scale of 0-10,its definitely 100.

I remember an incidence where I was in a group setting, typically all boys, me and other person were the only women. One of the guy (so called cool dude) said that we both should compete in a dance face-off at the evening party. Obviously he wanted to have fun and entertainment by watching two girls dance and compete over who gets the most appreciation from bunch of boys (not men, coz real men don’t ever get enjoyment over such things). I looked at her and from the expression on her face I could see she was triggered by that and I was also shocked, mainly disrespected by the whole incidence. I tried my best to not punch the guy on the face and keep my calm. I directly started talking to the girl and said that, we won’t be doing such a thing for bunch of idiots right!? She lowered her defences and looked relieved too after that.

Women should not let these people who are supposedly ‘our’ people but who constantly put you in the spotlight for the way you eat, the way you speak, how much you eat, who you are dating, why you are not dating, whether you wear too less or too much makeup.

As the future caretaker, at least we have to understand and accept that no-one should make us feel insecure about our own place and worth in world, otherwise it will be superficial to nourish our children with the upbringing of accepting self and respecting self first and foremost.

P. S: To anyone who is reading this, you are beautiful inside-out and don’t you ever question it because of the inner voices that you have but are originally placed there by the people who didn’t think before saying those harsh things to you.